I’ve been reading Navigating Indieworld by Julie A Gerber and Carole P Roman and it has inspired me to take a fresh look at the blurb I wrote for my debut novel, Where There’s A Will; I’d like you guys to have a read and see what you think.
Current blurb
An armed robbery, a kidnapping, and an enemy that’s closer than anyone realises.
Inspector Stone has to put aside problems at home and an ambitious underling when the daughter of a local businessman is kidnapped, and a multi-million Euro ransom demanded for her return.
Can he find her and return her safely to her parents when the kidnappers are dangerously close to home?
New version
Robbery, kidnapping, murder, some people will do anything to get rich.
A rich family, a big house, and everything her heart desires, Alice Keating has a life that many want, and now someone has decided to take it.
When the schoolgirl is kidnapped it falls to Detective Inspector Nathan Stone to find her and return her safely to her family. If that wasn’t a tough enough job, he’s already on another case, trying to catch the armed robbers who stole fifty thousand pounds at gunpoint and nearly killed an old man and his dog in the getaway.
The man behind Alice’s kidnapping it closer to home than anyone suspects though, and he’s not above murder to stay out of jail and get what he wants.
Alex R Carver 
I prefer the current one actually.
Or maybe a combination of the two? I think inserting the second paragraph of the new blurb into the old one (under the 1st paragraph) could work as well.
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Thanks for the suggestion. That’s the kind of thing I’m after to help me make the book shine.
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