Autistic Confessions – I Just Want to Be Alone – The Stigma of Solitude

I can relate to this article so very much, I have never had more than 1 or maybe 2 friends at a time, and most often none, because I simply can’t deal with/don’t understand what is considered normal social behaviour. Small talk is a mystery to me, I just don’t know how people can converse about meaningless things for hours on end.

Anonymously Autistic

I love being alone. In fact, like most introverts, I need to be alone in order to recharge my batteries.

The difference between me and most introverts is that they still “need” or “crave” social activities and being around other people. I simply don’t and never have.

Always alone, when I was young and through my teen years (and even part of my adult-hood) people made me feel like my tendency towards solitude was pathological. I remember my parents and grandparents trying to force me to go out with friends / leave the house.

They forced e so hard, insisting that I make friends or be lonely, but I had almost no friends.

I’ve always had a pattern of only having one friend at a time and hanging out in groups has never been fun for me. Having more than one or two friends is still very difficult for me.

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8 thoughts on “Autistic Confessions – I Just Want to Be Alone – The Stigma of Solitude

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  1. Me too! And the sheer pressure from just being asked to attend social events is enough to flair my anxiety. I don’t understand people, I don’t like to be around others and my whole life people always try to convince me that it’s only depression. No. If I don’t have moments alone for most of my days, I get very irritated. Irrationally so. To a point, I shut down, turn off my phone and ignore even my closest friends.

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      1. You won’t get any argument from me on that score, work was so bad for me that I was actually glad when I got sacked from my last job. It’s tougher, surviving as a writer, but the reduction in stress and anxiety from dealing with co-workers is worth it.

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      2. OMG I feel like I’m talking with a doppelganger. haha. I’m the same way. I struggle so hard just getting out of the house, let alone having to communicate with people. We recently lost our CSR so I’ve had to answer phones for a while until we get in our new hire. Personal. Torture. Every time the phone rings, my blood-pressure goes up and I flush when I have to answer the phones.

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      3. I avoid answering the door or the phone, or even going out, if I can, I go to the shops and to appointments, but if I don’t have to go out, I won’t. When I do go out I’m desperate to turn around and head home, and it drains me so much it takes me hours to recover.

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  2. Bless you-I have a 22 yo son w/ Asperger’s & I agree with you whole heartedly.As I say to others,it takes all Alex’s energy to handle his short day of school or work,so when he gets home he gets his time to be Alex.(whether it’s drawing,rearranging his room,or just lying on his bed,whatever…)If you took the autism away,I dunno what would be left of him-he is awesome the way he is & I wouldn’t change a thing.Looking forward to checking your blog now & again & already bought your book.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words and for getting my book. I know what you mean about not knowing what would be left of your son if you took the autism away; I have periods where I wish I was what people consider ‘normal’ but this condition is what makes me ‘me’, and if that means needing time to myself to just relax, so be it.

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