Flipping the switch

It often feels as if there’s a switch in my brain, one that periodically gets switched, and I’m not in control of it.

For a while I was having problems sleeping, no matter what I did I couldn’t get to sleep; it would be 2, 3, 4, even 5 o’clock and gone before I fell asleep. On the surface it seems as though I would be able to get a lot of work done with so much time on my hands, I certainly wanted to get lots done, but though I was awake I lacked the enthusiasm and the focus to concentrate on either writing or editing, or indeed on anything else.

After a couple of months of that, the switch in my brain has been flipped, now I’m finding it a constant struggle to stay awake. I want to work, to write or edit, to read, or to do anything else, but I just don’t have the energy. I’m sleeping for 8, 9 or even 10 hours a night, but still can’t make it through from morning to night without the need to nap for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

I don’t know what caused the switch to be flipped, I never do, but I really wish I could figure it out. I’ve been having problems with my sleep for decades now, and I’m convinced that it’s a circular thing, my mental health problems are made worse by my inconsistent sleep, and my inconsistent sleep is made worse by my mental health problems.

On that note, I’m yawning again, I guess it’s time for me to head upstairs for a nap.

I think I could handle this better if my sleep pattern remained the same, at least then I’d know what to expect and I could adjust to it.